The Early Years...

People have strange ideas here...

People here have strange ideas about things. They are friends with anyone, male with female, young with old, etc. They actually just like talking with each other about things like current events, politics, etc. And anyone can have any opinion they want as long as you are willing to listen to another point of view and defend your position. But what is really cool is that even if you are a WOMAN, you can have an opinion and ideas and men will actually listen to you.

So even though I have struggled to make friends here, I haven't really felt as alone because I have been accepted for who I really am, not for the persona of the "perfect southern lady".

Of course, a place that publishes a weekly like the "Stranger" would be expected to have people with "strange" ideas :-).

Ya'll

I drove to Tacoma this morning to teach a class. The sun was just rising, the mountains were out and Rainier was looming on the horizon with streaks of red of the rising sun around it. I don't understand how thousands of people can ride by that sight every day and not be totally awed, humbled and have their breath just taken away. I could not help but glory in the majesty that is our planet.

A Tacoma student said something to me that struck me about the way I have thinking...I was talking and kept saying you all when speaking of the pacific northwest. He corrected me and we all. He said that "all you all is really all WE all, because you (speaking of me) is one of we now". I really haven't been thinking of it like that yet. Maybe that needs some more comtemplation. Maybe part of my problem is not yet feeling like I am "one of us" here in the northwest. I still feel like one of "them", i.e. from some place else.

Symphony

Okay, the symphony was wonderful. I love music of all types. But I also overwhelmingly realized I didn't belong there. I almost made a huge mistake and clapped after the first piece. I didn't know that you don't clap until intermission. I am used to going to concerts that after each song/piece you applaud. At least I held back and waited to see what everyone else did before I embarrassed myself. I am obviously a little too uncultured for such an activity. The music was spectacular though, it just fills you up and makes your heart beat faster.

That is one of the things I love about Seattle. You can find all types of music and you can dance and just be unrestrained. Now if I can break 25 years of habitual restraint and let myself be who I am, the side I NEVER show anyone... We'll see about that, that might take some time.

"Waxing" Poetic

I realize how meloncholy these blogs have become...maybe it is because of the approaching holidays and realizing that I have no family around. But each blog makes me think of something else.

The moon waxes and wanes. You can remember which it is doing by the letters DOC. If the curved shape of the moon is like the curved part of the D the moon is waxing (getting more full), the O is when it is full, then when it starts to wane the curved shape is like the curve of the C. During the darkest parts of the moon's phases when it goes from waning to waxing, when it is a "new" moon (or sometimes called a dark moon) it represents the beginning of the moon's phases and for centuries farmers have felt that it was the best time to plant new seeds because the ground was more fertile. As the moon grows (waxes) and finally comes to completion (fullness) farmers knew that by then, the seeds which were going to survive would have taken root and blossomed.

Why am I going into all this? Well for one, to make a point about technology for my students. This observation of the moons cycles is a very low tech, effective method of planting. But also to make a parallel of our lives. I think back over the last year and the trials I have gone through. I think back over this blog and the trials I have gone through in Seattle. Those were the times of the darkest moons in my life. That is when the seeds of growth and change were planted. Now I just have to learn PATIENCE and wait for the full moon (fulfillment) to see which ones will have taken root and blossomed.

My lesson for today is patience...

Life Lessons

This past year, I learned some incredible lessons from some private personal trauma, the death of my father, moving, the death of my nephew in Iraq, etc. etc. My life has been a total soap opera over the past 16 months. But I learned that, in the beginning of each new thing it was really scary, there didn't seem to be any hope. But then something would happen and I would see that there was a reason for whatever I was feeling. I would begin to see a little glimmer of how life could be and that would give me hope. It was kind of like peering through a keyhole, seeing glimmers but not being able to see into the whole room. Then little by little the door to a new chapter of my life would open, until I could see into the whole room and then finally step into it.

In Seattle, I have felt the same way. So many times I have asked "what to hell am I doing here?". But today, I saw that first glimmer, the inching of the door opening and the possibilities of the chapter of my life that is before me. I have to say it was breathtaking and absolutely wonderful... Now I need to be patient and wait for the door to open and not try to rush it.

UW

This summer, I had the opportunity to go to a faculty program called Faculty Fellows. It was so incredible. The faculty that I was able to interact with were just so phenomenal. I felt like such an imposter...who was I to be around some of the most talented and creative faculty in the entire world? We met again today, and again I was just blown away by the privilege of working at this institution.

I had been feeling a bunch of stress that I haven't be so prolific in writing as I have in the past couple of years. It was so wonderful to hear these incredible supportive people saying, "don't be so hard on yourself, it takes from 6 months to a year when you move to a new place to get in the rhythm of a new place". Damn I needed to hear that. It was so good for me.

When I was walking home, the sun was setting over Lake Washington and Mt. Rainier was in the distance and I was struck by the beauty of this place, the acceptance of the people who I have met, and the incredible opportunities my job affords me. I just want to make sure I stay thankful for all of these wonderful blessings.