The Early Years...

People have strange ideas here...

People here have strange ideas about things. They are friends with anyone, male with female, young with old, etc. They actually just like talking with each other about things like current events, politics, etc. And anyone can have any opinion they want as long as you are willing to listen to another point of view and defend your position. But what is really cool is that even if you are a WOMAN, you can have an opinion and ideas and men will actually listen to you.

So even though I have struggled to make friends here, I haven't really felt as alone because I have been accepted for who I really am, not for the persona of the "perfect southern lady".

Of course, a place that publishes a weekly like the "Stranger" would be expected to have people with "strange" ideas :-).

Ya'll

I drove to Tacoma this morning to teach a class. The sun was just rising, the mountains were out and Rainier was looming on the horizon with streaks of red of the rising sun around it. I don't understand how thousands of people can ride by that sight every day and not be totally awed, humbled and have their breath just taken away. I could not help but glory in the majesty that is our planet.

A Tacoma student said something to me that struck me about the way I have thinking...I was talking and kept saying you all when speaking of the pacific northwest. He corrected me and we all. He said that "all you all is really all WE all, because you (speaking of me) is one of we now". I really haven't been thinking of it like that yet. Maybe that needs some more comtemplation. Maybe part of my problem is not yet feeling like I am "one of us" here in the northwest. I still feel like one of "them", i.e. from some place else.

Symphony

Okay, the symphony was wonderful. I love music of all types. But I also overwhelmingly realized I didn't belong there. I almost made a huge mistake and clapped after the first piece. I didn't know that you don't clap until intermission. I am used to going to concerts that after each song/piece you applaud. At least I held back and waited to see what everyone else did before I embarrassed myself. I am obviously a little too uncultured for such an activity. The music was spectacular though, it just fills you up and makes your heart beat faster.

That is one of the things I love about Seattle. You can find all types of music and you can dance and just be unrestrained. Now if I can break 25 years of habitual restraint and let myself be who I am, the side I NEVER show anyone... We'll see about that, that might take some time.

"Waxing" Poetic

I realize how meloncholy these blogs have become...maybe it is because of the approaching holidays and realizing that I have no family around. But each blog makes me think of something else.

The moon waxes and wanes. You can remember which it is doing by the letters DOC. If the curved shape of the moon is like the curved part of the D the moon is waxing (getting more full), the O is when it is full, then when it starts to wane the curved shape is like the curve of the C. During the darkest parts of the moon's phases when it goes from waning to waxing, when it is a "new" moon (or sometimes called a dark moon) it represents the beginning of the moon's phases and for centuries farmers have felt that it was the best time to plant new seeds because the ground was more fertile. As the moon grows (waxes) and finally comes to completion (fullness) farmers knew that by then, the seeds which were going to survive would have taken root and blossomed.

Why am I going into all this? Well for one, to make a point about technology for my students. This observation of the moons cycles is a very low tech, effective method of planting. But also to make a parallel of our lives. I think back over the last year and the trials I have gone through. I think back over this blog and the trials I have gone through in Seattle. Those were the times of the darkest moons in my life. That is when the seeds of growth and change were planted. Now I just have to learn PATIENCE and wait for the full moon (fulfillment) to see which ones will have taken root and blossomed.

My lesson for today is patience...

Life Lessons

This past year, I learned some incredible lessons from some private personal trauma, the death of my father, moving, the death of my nephew in Iraq, etc. etc. My life has been a total soap opera over the past 16 months. But I learned that, in the beginning of each new thing it was really scary, there didn't seem to be any hope. But then something would happen and I would see that there was a reason for whatever I was feeling. I would begin to see a little glimmer of how life could be and that would give me hope. It was kind of like peering through a keyhole, seeing glimmers but not being able to see into the whole room. Then little by little the door to a new chapter of my life would open, until I could see into the whole room and then finally step into it.

In Seattle, I have felt the same way. So many times I have asked "what to hell am I doing here?". But today, I saw that first glimmer, the inching of the door opening and the possibilities of the chapter of my life that is before me. I have to say it was breathtaking and absolutely wonderful... Now I need to be patient and wait for the door to open and not try to rush it.

UW

This summer, I had the opportunity to go to a faculty program called Faculty Fellows. It was so incredible. The faculty that I was able to interact with were just so phenomenal. I felt like such an imposter...who was I to be around some of the most talented and creative faculty in the entire world? We met again today, and again I was just blown away by the privilege of working at this institution.

I had been feeling a bunch of stress that I haven't be so prolific in writing as I have in the past couple of years. It was so wonderful to hear these incredible supportive people saying, "don't be so hard on yourself, it takes from 6 months to a year when you move to a new place to get in the rhythm of a new place". Damn I needed to hear that. It was so good for me.

When I was walking home, the sun was setting over Lake Washington and Mt. Rainier was in the distance and I was struck by the beauty of this place, the acceptance of the people who I have met, and the incredible opportunities my job affords me. I just want to make sure I stay thankful for all of these wonderful blessings.

Weather and Work

I wish the weather would start being as gray and gloomy as everyone keeps telling me. These beautiful sunny days when the mountains are out make it hard to focus. Do the people who live here really understand what an incredible privilege it is just to live in this place? On days like this when I look to the east and see the Cascades rising above Lake Washington and then turn around and the Olympics are there behind me, I just can't believe that I get to live here. Unfortunately, it is also hell on my work ethic. I used to be able to sit in my office for 18 hours at a shot, 5 to 7 days a week, and just crank out publications, coursework and grading. Now I have trouble dragging ass to my office 3 days a week because it takes so much time away from my biking and other adventures.

This was definitely a day (48 degrees outside when I drove to work) for riding with the sunroof open, the heat blasting in the car and the radio on. What a spectacular day... I hope I never stop seeing this place for the gift that it is. I am truly touched to be allowed to live here.

Teachers

I have been thinking a lot about my last post. I just finished rereading on of my favorite books, Tuesdays with Morrie. This past year I have had the privilege of working on a project with a great teacher. As I reread that book, I thought a lot about that teacher/student relationship where I was in the reversed role of the student. Although I still keep in touch with my teacher, I find that I miss talking with him in a focused way, with a clear project agenda. In the hours spent working together, we would talk about solutions to problems in the world, in education, and ultimately each week I would learn a lot about solutions to my own problems as well, just from our discussions.

Teachers take many shapes and forms. They might be a formal teacher, a colleague, a friend, a relative, or a student. I dedicated my dissertation to my students. They taught me as much as I ever taught them. They taught me about patience, human dignity, alternate learning styles, friendship, how to have fun, how to care, and so much more. They always believed in me as I did in them.

I miss them and my teacher. Today was just one of those hard days where I was sad... There are good days and bad ones. Fortunately more ups than downs :-)

Education

I definitely have the coolest students EVER. They all went out after class to a bar. And they invited me and one of their other instructors. They continually amaze me with how open they are. They just talk to me, like I am a person not the "evil" instructor ready to indoctrinate them to liberal propaganda...

I have always believed that education is a collaborative effort, no matter what level it is at or in what venue (formal or informal). It is a two-way street, it takes a willing teacher and a willing student. Without those two things, it just can't work. Now sometimes the student is unwilling but the teacher can help encourage them to want to learn by finding something to catch their interest. However, that takes a teacher that will give 100% to his/her job. My students make my job too easy, I don't have to work to catch their interest, they ARE interested. Even more important, they are INTERESTING. They each have a story and are so willing to share and to let me know them. I find I am caught and can't wait for the next two years as they tell me all about them and teach ME whatever they want me to know.

Maybe by next year, they will join me and start a mountain biking club :-) (or maybe not)...